So this girl broke up with me. A couple of months later, we went to the same festival. Before the festival, she contacted a mutual friend of ours, asking if I could acquire some amphetamine for her. I was still pretty heart broken, and a little offended that after everything, she would still ask me this. My first instinct was "no". But then I had an idea to pull a prank. I took a tablet of Ibumetin, and crushed it up. Now, Ibumetin isn't just compressed white powder, it's actually wrapped in a thin coating. Once I crushed the tablet, I did my best to get all of the pieces of the coating out, and put the rest of it into a small zip-lock baggie. I had no idea the events this would set in motion. In my mind, it was a small prank, a small bit of revenge for the heartbreak.
At the festival, she arrived without a tent, just a backpack and a "I'll find a place to sleep" mentality. However, she decided to store her stuff next to my tent. I felt kind of bad about taking money for this fake drug, so I decided not to bring it up at all. It then so happened that I had to leave the festival a day early, and as I was packing my things, I noticed that her backpack was open, and some open container was peeking out. I thought "oh, what the hell", threw the baggie in there without saying anything and left.
A couple more months pass, and I am selling tickets at the door to a rave, which is significantly less fun than actually raving. She's at the rave too. After some time, she walks up to me. The music is blasting. People are everywhere. We can barely hear each other. The eye contact is still that messy post-breakup thing, where you're not sure if you want to look each other in the eyes.
Why are you sad? Not enough drugs?
In my mind: surely not...
Maybe. Are you offering?
Yes...
What do you have?
I don't know.
I'm like what do you mean you don't know? Where did you get it then?
At this point I'm like 99% sure she's offering me medicine that takes away headaches. She shrugs her shoulders. After that we decide to go out into the parking lot. It's night, the lot is full of trucks. We go behind one, and I go under a street light to inspect the contents of the baggie. She stays behind in the shadows. The whole thing was beginning to feel like a movie at this point. She says something about thinking it was me who gave it to her, but I assure her I do not remember giving her any drugs after we broke up. I pull out my tiny snorting spoon, and dig through the white powder. I make comments about how it's hard to really tell, it could be anything, amphetamine, cocaine, ketamine. Eventually I see it - the coating of the tablet! This confirms it, 100%. Inside, I am screaming, bursting out with laughter, but on the outside, I remain calm and serious. I carefully take it out and show her.
This looks like, a piece of skin, maybe from a finger or something. Look, you can even see the ridges of the fingerprint
Ewwwwwwww
We decide to take it anyway, and agree that in a short time, we'll be able to tell what it is, and go dancing if it's a stimulant, or sit in a friends car if it's something like ketamine. I meet her again not long after, dancing like crazy on the dance floor. I pretend to be hyper energetic as well. Yeah, dude, it's definitely cocaine, dancing feels sooo good! Placebo is one hell of a drug, I guess. I play along as much as I can, even though it's the funniest thing to me on the inside, and I want so badly to share this moment with someone
We don't talk after that rave for a long time, but through another mutual friend of ours, I find out that she still has what remains in that baggie. She feels anxious every time she leaves the house, as she still lives with her parents, she's afraid that they might find it. I tell the friend the whole story, but make her promise not to say anything I don't know how or when, but I'll tell her. I just really need to be the one to do it. Some more time later, the friend tells me she threw the baggie out. Her and her new boyfriend decided they are quitting drugs for good, and did like a ceremony, where they flushed the baggie down the toilet to solidify it. You can imagine how hard I laughed, as I was hearing this. In my head, I imagined this big theatrical moment, where they hold hands, throw the baggie in the toilet, flush it, and show the world they are now clean! And they have no idea, that somewhere, I am keeping tabs on this story, feeling like a mastermind of this prank that grew way past its original intent. And that what they're flushing, what they're using as this item of great significance, is nothing more than a crushed up tablet of a drug she probably bought hundreds of times at the pharmacy and taken without giving it a second thought.
Two years since the tablet was crushed, we finally meet. And I tell her the whole thing, not containing my laughter anymore. She slaps me on the shoulder.
I thought you knew it was me the whole time!
No, you assured me it wasn't you, and I believed you!
Two years.